I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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