NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Still dying that you shit outside
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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