Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
