Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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