dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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