My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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