btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
handjob tips. give me some.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's shark week go big or go home
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
