i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
