I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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