I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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