I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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