There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i drank out of a bidet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
