So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
