her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
3 2 1 whiskey
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
