well I can't set my house on fire every night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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