you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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