There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
