i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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