hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
