I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
