i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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