you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
