i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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