Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
