Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
there is puke in my bra ... again
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