I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
