I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize