when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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