What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
