ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
