i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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