Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
