fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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