i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
