ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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