laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
