So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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