you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
