I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize