dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
