can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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