i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The adults are the big ones right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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