Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
