im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
