I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
