me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize