Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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