Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work

Fav 4 2245 1957
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(416): View more from Ontario

Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

Fav 4 2514 805
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(440): View more from Ohio

New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

Fav 26 6382 1365
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(716): View more from New York

you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do

Fav 13 2712 1152
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(314): View more from Missouri

You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

Fav 18 2779 3054
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(816): View more from Missouri

TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.

Fav 13 2726 814
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(607): View more from New York

I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.

Fav 9 678 1715
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.

Fav 0 22 14
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!

Fav 0 9 36
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