i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
