I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
