Dual....:-)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
