Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
