Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
