i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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