Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
