Farmville is her only friend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
