she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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