i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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