Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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