I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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