Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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