I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
