I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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