I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
