My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
