She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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