giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
