Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
